A bit about past lives

Stop reading if you don't believe in this stuff!!

I've been having odd flashbacks all week, feelings that have nothing to do with my current situation...

And I've been thinking about my fears, from my childhood and now.

There's one thing I've been wondering for a couple of years now; as a child I was sometimes scared of my father... and I mean dead afraid. And he's never, ever, done anything that would cause it. And as an adult woman, I've noticed my aversion of... well, getting anything, and I mean anything, inside of me. You know what I mean, and if you don't, don't ask. These are a couple of my biggest problems...

So, I decided to try some meditation tonight. I light my incense and candles and lie down. Immediately I feel that something's wrong.

I get the normal dizzying feeling, like I'm going round and round on the floor. But then I feel my eyes starting to flutter and trying to stay closed and open at the same time and I start feeling afraid. I see a black expanse of water, no sky, just black, black water. I feel like curling up in the boat I'm in and I seriously feel my body starting to shake - physically, the body on the floor, not the one in the little boat. Then I see snow covered hills, like in Lapland, I step out of the boat into the icy water and get to the snowy shore. My ankles tingle and my body gives a huge shudder and I start crying.

I have stop here and come out of the trance. I can't go on any further. I sit up from the floor and try to stop crying. I still shudder, but I know it'll pass.

I stopped the meditation about fifteen minutes ago, and I'm still shaking and I'm having some difficulties breathing. So I think this is a meditation I'm going to need help with. I really need to know what's happening.
Anyone have any hints?

Happy new year

Feeling the damn Sunday Blues... I want to draw all the time, but once I set my pencil on the paper all the ideas jumble together and I can't get a grasp on one. Blah.

I've decided to move more this year and after this week, having been swimming twice and dancing a bit, I've noticed that I also feel mentally better after exercising. And next Saturday I'm starting a self-defense course. I can't wait.

I'm dead tired at the moment, but it's not for lack of sleeping. It's because of my downstairs neighbour has noisy visitors. Last night, between four and five, I had to go knocking and asking them to be quiet. I was surprised that it actually worked. I do hope they'll be quiet tonight, because I'd really need a good night's sleep. -.-

Now I really got to start my analysis on Virginia Woolf's The New Dress.